opening up
Devastated Gemma Collins reveals she was advised to end pregnancy after discovering unborn baby was intersex
The star has made no secret of her desire to become a mum
GEMMA Collins has told of the devastating moment doctors advised her to terminate her pregnancy after they told her the unborn baby “was not right”.
In a heart-rending podcast, the Towie star revealed staff had found that the baby was intersex.
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Gemma, 43, sobbed as she candidly opened up on the medical instruction after suffering three previous miscarriages.
The telly favourite has made no secret of her desire to become a mum with partner Rami Hawash, 49.
She has always been frank about her desire for a family.
She said on the Everything I Know About Me podcast: "Something is not right, they said to me your baby could be a hermaphrodite.
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"You can imagine I had no idea what the word was. I had to look it up. It was a real shock.
"They advised me you need to have a termination because this baby is not going to be right."
Gemma got tearful as she added: "In a single instant, I learned that I'd been carrying a baby and lost it, meaning that once again I found my longstanding dreams of motherhood shattered into pieces."
An intersex person is born with both male and female characteristics. This could be genitalia, hormones, internal anatomy or chromosomes and is a spectrum.
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Conditions include Partial Androgen Insensitivity in which a person has a vulva, but no womb, and testes.
The term "hermaphrodite" comes from mythology and is preferably not used among people who are intersex, according to interACT, an advocate group for young people who are intersex.
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Around 1.7 per cent of people are estimated to be born intersex, making it as common as people with red hair.
There are an estimated 30,000 intersex people in the UK with around one in 2,000 pregnancies affected.
During the same podcast chat, Gemma added further detail to the harrowing chapter.
She told how it happened with a previous partner - not her current fiance Rami, with whom she is on a sun-soaked holiday before their wedding.
They advised me you need to have a termination because this baby is not going to be right
Gemma Collins
Getting tearful as she addressed her ex's affair, she said: "I got pregnant which was a real shock, it wasn’t planned.
"I was like ‘oh I am pregnant and he was like oh’.
"He had a really funny look about him. I just remember him not being there.
"He ended up going out with a girl, it was obvious he had met someone else. Her name was Claire, she was a colourist in London.
"I was really heartbroken because he was having an affair.
"That was a lot to deal with at that age, probably if it was happening now, I have got a bit more life experience and anyway, I went to the doctors, I went on my own because he just wasn’t around.
FEELING STUPID
"When I went to the doctors they said something is not right, it could only happen to me, not only has the stockbroker boyfriend met someone else and is already off, he just wasn’t there, we were living together at the time, we had a nice house, it was like a barn conversion.
"And they said to me, your baby could be, from looking at it, a hermaphrodite."
The reality TV star then added that she needed to look the word up as she had no idea what it meant.
Gemma continued: "It was a real shock. I always get the giggles when something is bad.
What does it mean to be ‘intersex’?
A person who is intersex has both male and female characteristics, such as internal organs, genitalia or chromosomes that don’t fit the definition of male or female.
There are several conditions that fall under intersex, making it a bit like a spectrum.
And to be intersex is not rare - around 1.7 per cent of people are estimated to be so.
Other terms for intersex are differences in sex development (DSD) and hermaphrodite, which is outdated and considered offensive.
How might someone who is intersex look?
A person who is intersex could have:
- Male of female genitalia but on the insides, anatomy of the other sex, such as testes or a uterus
- Have genitals that appear something in between male or female
- A large clitoris, or small testicles, or a urethra that is not at the end of a penis but near to the perineum
When is it diagnosed?
It is typically noticed at birth and a baby will go through tests, such as an ultrasound, to understand a clear diagnosis.
The NHS says: “In England you need to register your baby’s birth within 42 days. This is usually enough time to complete the tests, discuss the results with your child’s care team and identify your baby’s sex.”
However, sometimes differences are not spotted until puberty or even adulthood, such as when a person does not have periods because they don’t have female hormones or internal organs, despite having a vagina.
It’s even possible for a person to never realise they are intersex.
What happens next?
Intersex isn’t something that is considered a disease or something to be ‘fixed’.
Medical intervention may happen if there are serious medical problems.
Some people who are intersex may consider altering the appearance of their genitals, having hormone therapy or psychological support.
But intersex should not be confused with transgender.
Many organisations, such as the Human Rights Watch, say surgery for young intersex children is not necessary and parents should hold of making decisions until their child is old enough to decide themselves.
Others say parents should make their own informed decisions.
Examples of conditions
- Complete Androgen Insensitivity
- Partial Androgen Insensitivity
- Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia
- Swyer’s
- Klinefelter’s
- Hypospadias
For more information, see interACT or DSD Families.
"They advised me you need to have a termination because this baby is not going to be right. I remember going to have the termination.
"He still wasn’t around, I think he might have dropped me off on the day.
" I got myself home, he was home when I got in, I can remember he was watching 24, I can’t watch it, that triggers me.
"I remember thinking I have just had an abortion and you are watching 24, you piece of sh*t."
Gemma then told how her ex ordered her to leave his home in two weeks, because he was going on holiday to Ibiza.
She laid bare her heartache about his affair and told how initially she was hoodwinked by her ex, leaving her feeling "stupid".
It was all for the best, its only now when you look back and yeah it was very sad about the baby but it was just not meant to be
Gemma Collins
Gemma continued to explain the aftermath and said: "I ran out the house and I'll never forget, I was trying to throw his passport down the drain because I just saw red as you would going through all of that.
"We had a kerfuffle and I think at one point I was standing in the middle of the field, my dressing gown was just not on me I was so upset.
"You know, I was doing that from upset because I was so hurt and shocked.
"It was all for the best, it's only now when you look back and yeah it was very sad about the baby but it was just not meant to be."
Doctors tend to see that a baby that is intersex - sometimes referred to as having differences in sex development (DSD) - at birth or during teenage years, for example if periods do not start.
LIFE-THREATENING
Chromosomal abnormalities can be detected during an early ultrasound, such as those that cause Down's syndrome.
But women may need more testing to confirm those relating to sex.
In any situation, a pregnant woman would have a detailed conversation with her doctor about the reliability of the test results and what the diagnosis could mean for the baby.
For example, babies with Edward's syndrome can have severe disabilities.
Babies that are born intersex are generally healthy.
They may face health or emotional issues in their lifetime, some of which can be life-threatening.
Baby loss
Gemma sadly suffered her first miscarriage in 2012.
Eight years later she suffered a second miscarriage during the coronavirus pandemic.
She is now a bonus mum to Rami's son Tristan, aged five.
Mum mission
Just this week, the GC admitted she was still "holding onto the dream" of becoming a mum.
The star, who has polycystic ovary syndrome, said: "I pray every night that everything's going to work out for me.
"Having a miscarriage with someone you love very much was very heartbreaking."
Polycystic ovary syndrome is a common condition that means the ovaries do not regularly release eggs and can make pregnancy difficult.
Gemma's baby hopes were given a boost in December when F Word chef Gordon Ramsay's wife Tana, 49, gave birth to their sixth child.
At the time, she said: "The Tana Ramsay news was the greatest thing to wake up to. Incredible."
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"It really made me think positively about my future and kind of took the pressure off.
"I don't think anyone knew she was pregnant, so it was a lovely surprise, but I got butterflies in my stomach when I saw it."
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