Forget waiting around for Prince Charming to make the first move. Start engineering your own sparks, right now!
Don’t you just love that sexy, electric feeling you get when you catch a hot man’s eye and something sizzles between you? What’s that? You haven’t experienced it for quite a while? Maybe that’s why there are a record number of people single and living alone in the UK right now*.
Luckily, you can engineer a spark or two yourself. Leil Lowndes, author of How To Create Chemistry With Anyone, says: “Put aside all the myths you’ve heard about what you should and shouldn’t do when you’re looking for a man. Instead, remember that in nature, women are the natural pursuers. If you see someone you like, go for it.”
You heard the woman. Here’s her tips for hitting it off with that hottie. And you thought chemistry lessons were dull…
Say my name
Chemical conductor Say his full name in conversation.
Chemical formula A study by the National Institutes of Health in the US showed neurological sparks occurred when people heard their own name. So Leil suggests saying his first and last name in conversation, for example: “George Smith, you’re so funny.”
Do ensure you remember his name by repeating it in your head three times when you first meet.
Don’t say: “George Smith, you’re hilarious,” if his name’s Barry and he’s beyond boring.
Chemical conductor Tilt your head and subtly caress your neck, while making eye contact.
Chemical formula This is based on how foxes fight in the wild. “The one that loses bares his exposed neck to the teeth of the victor,” says Leil. “This vulnerability is exhilarating for the latter.” So in the non-fox world, your heart’s desire should spy your neck and know you’re interested.
Do sweep your hair to one side and play with a necklace.
Don’t scratch yourself like an actual fox.
Chemical conductor Shamelessly scan his body.
Chemical formula Leil is a strong believer that sometimes women have to behave a little outrageously to grab a guy’s attention. “Men will never remember that it was you who initiated contact, as the male ego conveniently forgets that he wasn’t the hunter – so being a bit aggressive is perfectly OK,” she says. Bear that in mind as you “start gazing at his shoulders, working your way down his chest, then lingering for a second on his belt. Explore his body, top to crotch, like an airport security officer. Then swiftly look up to his eyes and give him a smile.”
Do run away as fast as you can if he starts fiddling with his belt.
Don’t be surprised if he looks surprised.
The silent assassin
Chemical conductor Don’t feel obligated to fill silences.
Chemical formula Women often feel they have to waffle on to stave off any conversational gaps. But Leil reckons a “compatible silence” can be very positive and help create sparks. Interrupting the silence can ruin the mood.
Do make sure it’s a good silence. If he’s fiddling with his phone, pick up the conversation pronto.
Don’t say: “Shh… let’s enjoy some peace and quiet.”
Chemical conductor Swap chat about feelings for chat about facts.
Chemical formula Leil believes that, in general, men tend to talk about “fight or flight” topics, such as achievements, adventures, sports and objects. Women are most likely to discuss “tend and befriend” subjects, such as relationships, feelings, intuitions and people. Channel your inner man and get mouthy about sports and all things based on fact. It will make you stand out and get him interested.
Do say: “I’d love to watch Federer in the US open.”
Don’t say: “My friend Laura feels cross whenever she watches the football.”
Have a word
Chemical conductor Adopt the same lingo.
Chemical formula Researchers have discovered words can provoke neurological reactions and an emotional response, especially when related to family. So to make him feel like you’re on the same wavelength, echo what he says. If he says “nan”, you say nan.
Do say: “My nan hates knitting, too!”
Don’t say: “My grandma hates being called ‘nan’.”
The language of love
Chemical conductor Compose an interesting first message to an online admirer.
Chemical formula If you’ve met online, your first message is really important. “Don’t use words that are as common as weeds,” says Leil. Instead, use a thesaurus to replace boring words. For example, change “interesting” to “enthralling”. “Using less common words demonstrates you’re a cut above the rest,” adds Leil.
Do ask your BFF for words to describe you if you get writer’s block.
Don’t pull a Joey from Friends and go overboard with the thesaurus or else you’ll end up with: “Your missive was prepossessing. I would like to excogitate an occasion with you.” Not sexy.
Chemical conductor Wear adjustable, rather than revealing clothes.
Chemical formula Leil believes clothes play a very important role in creating chemistry. Think loose tops and maxi-skirts that you can move around to give a hint of what’s beneath, rather than skimpy outfits that show off everything. “He’ll think you’re sensual and sexy,” Leil adds.
Do undo your cardigan to reveal a slinky top just when he’s looking.
Don’t wear a low-cut frock or a miniskirt. It’s all about making him feel any show of skin is for him alone.
Chemical conductor Trick him into touching you.
Chemical formula This is not as dodgy as it sounds – honest. Drop your bracelet casually in front of him and then “struggle” to put it back on. If he’s a gent, he’ll help. Alternatively, ask him what the time is and then turn his wrist to admire his watch. According to Leil even the most innocent contact will “get his hormones hopping”.
Do put your hand on his back and say: “Excuse me”, when passing through a bar.
Don’t say: “I’ve been doing Pilates, feel my core”.
What happens in your brain when you spot Mr Right? “Billions of neurons are bouncing around your brain in a state of ‘resting potential’,” says Leil. “Then you see him and, boom, your neurons enter a state of ‘action potential’, hysterically connecting with each other. Feel-good chemicals, such as dopamine, rush the brain, giving you an actual physical high or ‘spark’.”
● How To Create Chemistry With Anyone: 75 Ways To Spark It Fast & Make It Last by Leil Lowndes (£11.99, Vermillion)