Dear Toxic
My new boyfriend recently told me he had a threesome with two girls. Now I can’t help but feel completely inferior. I’ve never had a particularly adventurous sex life and I’m starting to think I can’t live up to his expectations. Is there anything I can do to spice things
up? Jo, via email
Where to start? I’ll begin by telling you to put down Fifty Shades… and quit panicking, because your boyfriend’s previous sexual adventures have absolutely no bearing on your current relationship. Earth-moving sex does not involve getting drunk, picking up two girls/boys, rolling around a bed or sofa for a few minutes and then never seeing them again. It involves reaching orgasm at the exact same time as someone you love, fancy and have a connection with. Start the mental connection by engaging in lots of conversations, and the physical one by removing your clothes and asking what you can do to turn each other on.
Dear Toxic
I’m 28, and recently married a man who is 20 years older than me. It’s his second marriage and my first. While I get on well with his family and friends, they sometimes make jibes about the big age gap. My husband says they’re joking, but I can’t help but think they’re being nasty. Am I being oversensitive? Caroline, via email
You should hear what they say behind your back. I’m joking, and his friends and family are too. When people really do dislike a friend’s partner they make their jokes in private, not public. Also, if his nearest and dearest did have a problem with you, they’d have banned you from their homes and objected to your wedding. They’ve done neither, which means they like and accept you, so you have two options: get over yourself and join in the banter. Or you can ask them to stop. What’s that? You asked and they didn’t listen? Again, two options. Beg your husband to intervene, or cry – tears always makes people feel suitably awkward
Dear Michelle
I’m 15 and want a Saturday job. Shall I wait until I see something advertised, or go into shops and cafes and ask? Also where do I stand in terms of the law with regards to my age? Elise, via email
In the UK you are legally allowed to work from the age of 13, with limits on the type of work and number of hours you do. A Saturday job is a good way to learn new skills and looks great on your CV for future job and college applications. Write a brief CV with a personal profile including what you are studying, your interests, and what you could offer to that company. Then contact local businesses directly to see if they have part-time vacancies. Good luck!
Dear Michelle
I work in a hospital as a nurse but want to relocate to the US. I’m not sure which area of the country to go to and how to find accommodation and employment. Can you advise? Camie, via email
Before emigrating, get to know the area, as trying to work abroad can be a very time-consuming and costly process. I would advise you to take an extended trip to the US and visit as many areas as possible to help you decide where you want to relocate to. Different States have very different laws and lifestyles so this choice will prove to be very important! You could also arrange meetings with recruitment agencies who would be able to advise you on the best way forward.
Dear Dr Hilary
Six months ago, I had the Mirena coil fitted. My doctor said I should give it six weeks to settle in, but I’m still getting cramps and occasional blood spotting. I also feel like it’s affecting my sex drive – my husband and I haven’t had sex in three months. Are these normal side effects? Should I have it removed? Melanie, via email
The Mirena intrauterine system (IUS) is a very effective contraceptive device that usually reduces blood loss during periods and may stop them altogether. It’s designed to thin the lining of the womb, so cramping and spotting should be reduced and any initial discomfort or irregular bleeding usually settles within the first few weeks. The hormones it releases are a fraction of the dose contained in the oral contraceptive pill and are confined to the womb, so it shouldn’t be affecting your libido, as that is driven from the brain. Since your problems haven’t settled after six months, visit your GP again to look for any other explanations, such as infection, an ovarian problem, or even that the coil itself may have partially come out.
Dear Dr Hilary
There’s a spot on my cheek and one on the side of my nose, which have been there for eight months. I’ve had acne before, but these are lumps with no head.They’re not sore, but look pretty ugly. Can I get them removed on the NHS? Geoff, via email
Any enlarging spot on the skin that has been present for several months should be examined by a doctor and removed if they suspect anything sinister or malignant, such as a rodent ulcer, which is a type of skin cancer. Your GP can inspect the spots and refer you to an NHS dermatologist urgently if he or she thinks it’s appropriate.
Dear Kiki
I’ve just started a new job where I have to manage people who are older than me. How can I get taken seriously at work? Amanda, via email
Believe it or not, I too have suffered from not having my authority taken seriously. Servants would sometimes refuse to peel my grapes or provide sexual favours, and I felt totally undermined. I’m sure it was because I have the face of a very tight-skinned, slightly strained looking 21 year old. So one morning, I started taking potshots at them with a pearl-handled pistol. No one was seriously injured (only one butler was maimed), but they soon started to cower before me with the fear I deserved. I appreciate that firearms aren’t practical in all working environments, so just sleep with everyone in your team regardless of gender, film it, and then blackmail them until they respect you. You’ll rise through the ranks in no time.
