I’m in a new relationship and I adore my partner, but I still find myself missing my ex-husband who I divorced 18 months ago. We were married for three years and I thought I’d fallen out of love with him, but I’ve just found out he’s moving a long way from where we live and now I feel like I’m losing my best friend. Should I tell him how I feel? Anna, via email
It’s natural to feel sad when someone you were once so close to moves away, but remember that this man is your ex-husband. People who get divorced tend to have a good reason for ending their marriage, and this reason doesn’t disappear the second they stop sharing a postman. Yes, you loved this man, but it didn’t work, so you got divorced. End of story. Time to move on. You’ve done it by finding a new man and now your ex is trying to do it by leaving town, a move that, while sad, will ultimately benefit you both. So take off your rose-tinted spectacles, keep schtum and let him go.
I’ve been single for nearly 10 years and I am beginning to give up hope of finding The One. I’ve tried internet dating and friends have set me up with male friends but it never leads anywhere. I get really nervous on first dates and I don’t think that’s helping. Is there anything else I could try without looking desperate? Name withheld, via email
What do you like doing? I ask for three reasons: 1. Most people fall in love with those who have similar passions to them. 2. Most people are far more relaxed and natural when they are doing something they enjoy. 3. Most people find getting
to know members of the opposite sex through a hobby far less intimidating than getting to know them in bars or on dates. So, don’t delay. If you’re into badminton, join a club and find a regular mixed-doubles partner, or if you’re into dancing sign up to the nearest cha-cha-cha class and try to find the Fred Astaire to your Ginger Rogers.
I have a degree in psychology but have been unemployed for two years. I’m not sure how much longer to stick at this path in the current climate. Should I retrain in something more practical which has a specific skill set? Kate, via email
Finding a job can be difficult now but never give up on your dreams. Is there a certain company you want to work for and could you take another role there to get your foot in the door? Have you applied for work experience placements? Make sure your CV is up to date and contact the HR departments of companies even if jobs aren’t advertised.
Dear Dr Hilary
Dear Dr Hilary
If I drink alcohol or eat beetroot or spicy food, I go bright red in the face, get bloodshot eyes, and feel a pressure in my head and ears. These symptoms subside after a few minutes. What’s happening?
Helena, via email
The reactions you describe suggest you are experiencing a food intolerance. I recommend you take a First Step Test for food allergies (£9.99, Yorktest.com). This finger-prick test can be done at home and will measure the IgG antibodies in your body to give a positive or negative test result. If you get a positive result, further investigation will be needed. Your GP will be able to refer you for additional tests which can pinpoint the specific foods and drinks you are intolerant too, so you can then plan your diet around them.
I’ve just moved back home after uni and my parents are doing my head in. I can’t afford to move out, what can I do? Rosie, via email
There’s a reason living with your parents over the age of 12 is excruciating. If it wasn’t, none of us would ever move out, and we’d end up like those very strange people who never fly the nest, smell slightly of sour milk and only have relationships with people they meet online. But I wouldn’t recommend doing what I did and having your parents sectioned so you can live happily in their home. It required an awful lot of paperwork. Instead, embrace the tension and use it to spur you on to find a rich husband (or a job) and move out as soon as is humanly possible. But if you’ve started playing World Of Warcraft and letting your mother do your washing, it’s already too late.