Fabulist… Dispatches from the front line

The perfect… Aviators

“These are so cool I could star in a Top Gun remake”.

Liz East, Acting Deputy Chief Sub-Editor

£12, ASOS (Asos.com)

Cheat sheet… Picnic perfection

  • The night before your park date, make a fruit salad and pop it in the freezer – the icy treats are healthier than lollies but just as good at keeping you cool. Chilled!
  • Once you’ve finished your box of wine, take the silver bag out, inflate, and use it as a pillow. Comfy!
  • Rinse out a plastic milk carton and take it with you to mix cocktails in. Simply add ingredients, pop the lid on, shake and serve. Clever!

Social club

What was your most memorable kiss?

“Max from The Wanted gave me a kiss on my 19th birthday!” Tiff, via Facebook

“When I was 14, it was my first kiss with my partner Jordan and we are still together after 15 years.” Emma, via Facebook

“At a train station, my fiancé had just got home from Afghanistan (still in uniform!) – we ran towards each other and kissed. Everyone stopped and watched. It was magical.” Natasha, via Facebook

F Phone

We catch up with Paddy McGuinness, 38, comedian, TV presenter and footie fan

Paddy, is it true you’re a bit tasty with a football?

When you play with your mates, you think: “I’m not too bad”. But over the last few weeks I’ve been training with the Bolton Wanderers Youth Team. That’s when you realise you’re s**t.

You used to be a lifeguard – did you save any lives?

No. I did it for five years and the most exciting thing I did was remove a turd from the kiddies’ pool!

No likey. Who’s the funniest person you’ve ever met?

A mate from school called Peter Stott. He always had me creasing up.

Not Peter Kay?

No, he’s not that funny. I keep telling him to quit his career.

What’s your favourite joke?

I don’t think I’ve got one actually.

But you’re a comedian!

I don’t do a lot of jokes on stage. It’s more observational stuff. You can’t beat a good joke, but I’ve not heard one for a long time.

Have you got over the Dirty Dancing routine you did with Keith Lemon for Comic Relief?

Of course! It was great fun playing Patrick Swayze. When I go clubbing I’m a bit like a young John Travolta.

And what’s been your most embarrassing moment ever?

Funnily enough I’ve come to a photo shoot today and I’ve ripped the back of my pants open. So I’m in London, with my a**e hanging out.

● Paddy McGuinness supports Mars’ Play Your Part for England campaign. See Facebook.com/marsbar.

This week, we’re…

1 Multiplexing The Five-Year Engagement (15)

Emily Blunt and Jason Segel play a couple who are engaged for, well, five years in this romcom, produced by the guy who did Bridesmaids. Expect lots of laughs. Out Friday.

2 DVDing Carnage (15)

Ever wanted to see Kate Winslet in fisticuffs? Us too. In this Golden Globe-nominated flick, two couples have a massive (and very funny) row after their kids get into a fight at school. Go, Kate! Out tomorrow.

3 Reading Lionel Asbo by Martin Amis

The latest novel from this one-time enfant terrible makes a top gift for the dad in your life. Smart, with plenty of lovable lowlifes, and biting satire. Out now, £18.99, Jonathan Cape.

Is it just us or…

Do you sometimes look forward to the weekend as a chance to actually have a night in for once?

Awkward!

That moment when you develop a crush on your dentist. We all hate going to the dentist, but what happens when he looks like Ryan Gosling with a white coat and drill? Suddenly you’re no longer scared of needles, there’s no need for anyone to ask you to open your mouth (your jaw’s already dropped) and “oral examination” takes on a whole new meaning. Yes, he may be gorgeous, but what about you? Spraying spit and showing off your fillings is not a good look. Trying to delicately dribble that pink water stuff as he wipes the drool from his sleeve… awful. And have you ever tried to giggle coquettishly with one of those mirror things in your kisser? Face it: it’ll never work.

Date for your diary…

WIN! Taste Of London tickets

This year’s Taste Of London restaurant festival is foodie nirvana, with Michelin-starred restaurants and chefs. And we’ve got 10 pairs of tickets, worth £28 each, to give away. Click here to enter, but be quick, the competition closes at 11.59pm tomorrow! June 21-24, Regent’s Park, London. Tastefestivals.com/london.

This week we want to be…

Chezza’s taken a few knocks, but has always come out on top

Ever since a diddy, dimple-faced Cheryl Tweedy appeared on our screens 10 years ago (10 years!) in Popstars: The Rivals, we’ve kind of had a thing for Chezza. She was always our fave Girls Alouder – the one with the cheeky grin that our boyfs couldn’t stop watching. She’s also been the only member of the gang to really have a successful solo singing career (soz Nicola and Nadine), with two No.1 albums. And that killer comeback performance on The Voice (hello, swan dive!) has deemed her worthy to take her place next to Madonna and Kylie as a mono-named popstar.

But Cheryl truly earned her place in the nation’s heart when she was a judge on The X Factor. While chucking wisecracks and death stares in the direction of a certain Simon Cowell, Chezza’s team won two years in a row (first with Alexandra Burke, then with Joe McElderry).

Cheryl has had some miserable times, what with marrying Ashley Cole and contracting malaria. And we wanted to give her a hug when she shed genuine tears on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories. Plus, of course, the big one: when Cheryl was sacked from The X Factor USA. But Chez did the UK public proud, and handled the whole thing with decorum. We would have lamped old SiCo in the backstage loos – but perhaps Cheryl’s learned a little restraint.

Anyway, Cheryl’s finally releasing her new album this week, and it’s a cracker. Howay the lass!

● A Million Lights is out tomorrow.

Photography: Getty Images, Wireimage Words: Rosie Gizauskas, Roz Lewis, Lizzie Lunn
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