If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can ask the A team!
Dear Toxic
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 12 years, but we are no longer intimate with each other. For the past two years, I’ve been seeing a man from work. We’ve only met up on our own about 10 times and have slept together twice, but I feel like our relationship is based on more than just sex. I would leave my partner for him, but he never wants to discuss it. Should I give him an ultimatum?
Sharon, via email
It’s Louboutin on the other foot time. If you were having an affair with a colleague who had been living with his girlfriend for 12 years and he demanded you got more serious, what would you do? You’d laugh. You’d laugh and then you’d ask if he was insane. After all, how can anyone commit to someone who is living with their long-term lover? The answer is they can’t, so here’s how things need to go down. First, you need to dump Mr Lack Of Intimacy. Then move out. And then tell your colleague you want to get more serious. If he’s up for it, then whoop whoop. And if he isn’t, then move on.
Dear Toxic
My partner of two years has been offered a job on the other side of the country but I don’t want to move. We’ve got an established life here, and the thought of starting again scares me. He knows how I feel but he desperately wants to take the job. I’m considering a long-distance relationship, but is that crazy?
Name withheld
It’s not crazy, but it’s not ideal, as long-distance love can crumble the second one of you feels like the other isn’t giving 100 per cent. Right now, if I were your man, I’d be mulling over dumping you. But it wouldn’t be because you don’t want to move, it’d be because you haven’t even contemplated moving. Pick your bottom lip off the floor, pack your bags and investigate the other side of the country. Perhaps you’ll like it. But if you don’t, at least you’ve tried. You’ve supported your partner. And he’ll thank you – probably during a sexy Skype sesh.
Dear Dr Hilary
I keep getting tonsillitis. My doctor prescribes the antibiotic amoxicillin
and after taking a course I’m fine, but I get ill again six weeks later. I
want to have my tonsils removed, but my GP says hospitals no longer do this.
What can I do?
Sian, via email
Tonsillectomies are still perfromed, but only as a last resort if your tonsils
are large and chronically infected. A swab test would determine whether the
tonsillitis is caused by a bacterial infection or a virus. Antibiotics such
as amoxicillin treat bacterial infections very effectively, but they cannot
treat viruses (which are the cause of the vast majority of sore throats) –
this might explain why your symptoms keep coming back. A blood sample could
also rule out glandular fever, which can cause recurring sore throats. Make sure
you get plenty of bed rest when you experience symptoms, and help keep your
immune system in tip-top condition by taking regular exercise and eating a
balanced diet with plenty of fruit and veg.
Dear Dr Hilary
When I go for runs, I get an intense rash over my legs. It gets so itchy I
have to stop running. What’s the cause and how can I prevent it?
Rachel,
via email
There are a number of explanations for this. Tracksuit bottoms made from wool
or synthetic material could cause an allergy, while running in cold weather
with bare legs can produce blood vessel changes in the skin, causing
irritation. Applying a moisturiser before running can also aggravate skin
because your pores open more when they heat up during exercise, leaving you
prone to irritation. If these don’t apply, you could try taking a non-drowsy
antihistamine, such as Zirtek, to tackle any allergic reaction, or use a
nappy-rash cream like Sudocrem as a barrier against sweat or cold.
Dear Michelle
I’m graduating from uni this summer and I’ve decided to pursue a career as
a writer. I know it’s competitive, but do you have tips on how I can get
ahead of my peers?
Alex, via email
You need to get some hands-on experience. Starting a blog is a great way to
practise writing and to show future employers your passion. It’s also a good
idea to set up some work experience at different newspapers or magazines.
You can write to section editors or respond to specific adverts. Websites
such as Gorkana.com and Journalism.co.uk
advertise internships on a regular basis.
Dear Michelle
I’ve been working for the same bank for 10 years and am now a supervisor.
The problem is that an old friend has accepted a job here and it means I
will be her boss. We get on well, but I’m worried about managing her. Do you
have any advice?
Name withheld
As you have successfully worked your way up the ladder in your place of work,
your employer feels that you are at a level where you can manage others. You
need to prove that this is the case if you are to continue your development.
You need to treat everyone fairly, showing no favour or discrimination. This
balanced approach will show that you are carrying out your duties
professionally and should therefore avoid any potential problems with your
friend.
Dear Kiki
I work in a pub and sometimes my manager gets a bit close for comfort – he
slaps me on the bum and kisses me on the head. What should I do?
Amber,
via email
Oh dear, Amber. Kissing someone on the head is what politicians do to babies
and as for the slapped bum, don’t even get me started. If your boss is going
to make you put up with his inappropriate behaviour, the least he could do
is show some respect and buy you diamonds. Normally I’d suggest you slap his
bottom back (with a tazer in your hand), but this cretinous oaf would
probably get off on that. So why not pin a poster carrying a “sexual
harassment in the workplace” message behind the bar and point at it next
time his hands go a-wandering? And maybe if you get a bit clumsy pulling
those pints, one might accidentally go all over his head. Oopsy daisy.
