The results of our sex poll are in, and golly gosh you’re an uninhibited bunch! With revelations that will make most of you blush, it seems that women are well and truly on top
You’d better watch out boys, us ladies are in the midst of a new sexual
revolution.
But forget about burning bras, this one’s all about wearing peephole ones and
calling the shots in the bedroom.
Our sex survey has revealed that we’re no longer afraid or ashamed to satisfy
our sexual desires or to push the boundaries and experiment a bit. Vanilla
sex it seems is dead, replaced by penchants for pornography, dressing up and
filming lovemaking.
But what’s sparked this?
Relationship psychologist Dr Lisa Orban believes women have become far more
open-minded about sex, and are no longer embarrassed to discuss it.
“These days sex is everywhere,” she says. “On the TV, in magazines, online…”
As a result, you ladies are more sexually adventurous than ever, with nearly
three-quarters of you owning a sex aid and one in five admitting to a
same-sex fling.
Dr Orban believes celebrity culture has played a pivotal role in giving us the
confidence to explore our desires.
“We’ve had high-profile women such as Angelina Jolie admitting to same-sex
experiences, and Lindsay Lohan coming out,” she explains. “Women are much
more open about experimenting with sexuality. The taboo of being bisexual or
gay has been shattered.”
And the sexual antics of Carrie and co have also left a legacy.
“Shows such as Sex And The City had a huge impact on how we conduct our sex
lives,” adds Dr Orban. “Kim Cattrall’s character, Samantha, was a very
sexually powerful female. We watched her and thought: ‘If she can do it, so
can we!’”
Our Fabulous Sex Survey has also revealed that we’ve become quite the
exhibitionists, with over a third of us following in Kim Kardashian’s
footsteps and filming a sex tape.
“Recording yourself in the bedroom is so easy these days,” explains sex coach
Rachel Foux.
“The same goes for our new-found sex toy obsession. There’s no need to go into
a seedy sex shop – they’re so readily available online, even family-friendly
stores such as Boots now stock sex toys.”
And it’s not just toys that are getting us going, with around two-thirds of
you confessing that you watch pornography either alone or with a partner.
“Porn is wielding greater influence on our sex lives than ever before,” says
Rachel. “At the click of a mouse you can see anything you want.”
But with this new sexual freedom comes risks, and our survey has also
unearthed some worrying results.
Not only did 42 per cent of women admit to being so drunk that they couldn’t
remember having sex, but 38 per cent have had sex with a stranger with no
contraception.
“This is worrying,” says Dr Orban. “There is a huge risk of infection.”
When it comes to STIs, it’s the over-30s who are chancing their health, with
20 per cent of that age group having caught one, compared with just eight
per cent of 18-21 year olds.
“Older women just aren’t as clued up as their younger counterparts,”
relationship psychologist Massimo Stochi tells us. “Often the risk of STIs
doesn’t even register with them.”
And, while we’re all for celebrating our sexual freedom, it’s important to be
old and wise enough to handle the emotional side of a sexual relationship.
So we were concerned to discover that nearly a fifth of the women surveyed
had lost their virginity under the age of 16.
The boys had their say, too, and when asked about STIs, a whopping nine out of
10 confessed they’d caught one, compared with just 14 per cent of women.
Which means, worryingly, there could be a huge number of women out there who
are unaware they have been infected.
While 43 per cent of men describe themselves as “very confident” in bed, just
a quarter of women feel the same way, blaming a lack of body confidence for
their shyness between the sheets.
But our self-assurance is on the rise, with over half of us having sex, and
two-thirds masturbating, at least once a week.
“Women are no longer passive participants in sex,” says Dr Orban. “Our recent
sexual liberation has allowed our confidence to grow, and we’re enjoying
happier sex lives.”
‘Watching porn keeps my sex life Interesting’
Catherine Townsend, 33, is a sex columnist and author who lives with her
fiancé in Los Angeles. She says: “Recently I borrowed my fiancé’s laptop and
saw in his Google history the words: ‘hot threesome’.
I know some women would have been disgusted to discover their partner had been
looking at porn. But not me.
Instead of throwing the computer at him and flouncing out in a strop, I
suggested we watch some together.
For me, porn is no different from a vibrator, it’s just another way to keep my
sex life interesting, and I don’t see anything shameful about that.
It used to be the domain of seedy sex shops and dirty old men, but now porn is
everywhere and millions of women log on to erotic websites and buy DVDs and
books online every year.
I am one of them, watching it a couple of times a week, both by myself and
with my fiancé.
66% of women have watched porn on their own
Most of my friends insist they don’t watch porn, and there’s no doubt there’s
still a stigma attached to women using it, but I’m sure that some of them
are secret porn consumers.
Women are conditioned to believe we prefer slow seduction, but the reality is
we can be aroused just as quickly as men by the right visual images.
And in today’s busy, pressurised world, if a quick five minutes on your laptop
can give you as good an orgasm as an hour of masturbation or foreplay,
what’s the problem?
I disagree that porn is demeaning to women. Just because I like seeing a woman
being spanked in a film doesn’t make me subservient in my real life.
And I don’t feel threatened by the women in porn films. In a healthy
relationship, a two-dimensional image can never compete with the real thing.”
‘I hold my head up high when I walk into a sex shop’
Suzy Lyons, 44, is a hospital theatre assistant, who lives in Salisbury,
Wiltshire, with her partner Pete, 43, a painter and decorator, and her son,
Ben*, 18, from a previous relationship. She says: “If you walked past me in
the street, you’d never guess that last night I slipped into a PVC dress,
stockings and suspenders for some bedroom fun with my partner, Pete.
To look at, I’m just your average, middle-aged mum, but behind closed doors I
love dressing up in sexy outfits and have a well-stocked collection of
erotic books, vibrators and even whips.
Pete and I have been together for four years, and we love experimenting
sexually, and having fun in the bedroom.
In my 20s, when I was married to my then husband, I wanted to spice up my sex
life, but I just didn’t have the confidence to do it. The first time I
plucked up the courage to go into a sex shop, when I was 27, I could feel my
cheeks burning and was convinced that all the shop assistants were judging
me. But now I walk in with my head held high.
Meeting Pete helped to bring out my adventurous side, and now I’m in my 40s, I
feel so much more daring and feminine, and open to trying new things.
Pete and I make sure we have sex every day, it’s an important part of our
relationship. We don’t always use toys or dress up – it depends on our mood.
If we go away for the weekend we always take some toys with us, so it doesn’t
surprise me at all that more and more women are using sex toys and dressing
up in the bedroom.
It can be a great way to keep a relationship exciting, and I thoroughly
recommend giving it a go!”
‘I lost my virginity at 13… and bitterly regret It’
Kate Crabb, 25, is a stay-at-home-mum and lives in Dorset with her husband,
Darren, 33, an electrician and their three children, Ethan, five, Georgina,
four, and five-month-old Reggie. She says: “Like most girls, I thought I’d
lose my virginity to someone I was in love with, when I felt ready, and that
it would be a romantic and special experience. The reality couldn’t have
been more different. It happened in a field, and I was so nervous that it
was very painful.
I was just 13 and thought I was grown up, but I was far too young to deal with
the emotional side, and that night I lay in bed feeling ashamed and dirty.
Harry* was 15 and we’d dated for seven months before he started asking me to
have sex with him. He said all his friends were doing it, and after months
of his pleading I finally agreed. I didn’t want him to find another
girlfriend who’d sleep with him, and I thought I was in love. The fact that
I was three years younger than the age of consent didn’t matter to me.
I didn’t dare confide in friends as I wanted to avoid being branded a ‘slut’.
Six months after I lost my virginity we split up, and I was heartbroken. I’d
truly thought we’d be together forever and wished I’d waited to have sex
when I was ready, like most of my friends had.
Losing my virginity so young clouded my view of sex. Until I met my husband
eight years ago, I never believed it could be enjoyable for a woman.
I’m determined to be open with my daughter about sex when she’s older, so she
does it when she’s ready, and for the right reasons.”
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