Q I’m getting married in five months and although I love my fiancé, he
wants to invite all his family to a traditional wedding, while I’d rather
get hitched in a registry office on our own. What can I do? Katie, by
Toxic: I appreciate organising a wedding is stressful, but this guy is
supposed to love you and understand you better than any other bloke on Earth
– surely you should be able to tell him you don’t want to be the centre of
attention. You can’t? I’d seriously think about whether he’s The One. You
can? Great. Suggest a quiet exchange of vows (to make you happy) at a church
(so he’ll be happy), followed by a big pressure-free party (and you’ll both
be happy). Result.
Tantric: Tell Groomzilla to chill out and compromise. You can have
both. Have a small, intimate wedding with a few friends and then throw a
huge party afterwards – just think, you won’t have to listen to your
bridesmaids moaning about the hideous dresses. And keep reminding yourself
it’s only a day. You have the rest of your lives together.
Q My boyfriend’s great but he wants sex a lot – sometimes several times a
day! I don’t want it that often. Who’s being unreasonable and how do I deal
with it? Claire, by email
Toxic: No one’s being unreasonable, but as you have the issue, you need
to alter the situation. And since I presume you don’t want to get dumped,
you do this by taking your relationship to places it’s never been before.
Hang around the house and sex will never be off the agenda, so a “no” to
intercourse will be obvious and a sign of rejection. But if you meet in a
public place, he should a) find other things to occupy his mind and b)
realise that sex is risqué at best and jail-worthy at most, so should leave
you in peace for a while. He didn’t? He’s an idiot. Dump him.
Tantric: When it comes to sex, there is no ‘right’ amount. Most couples
have different ideas about how much sex they want, you’ll have to meet in
the middle. If he wants it five times a week and you want it once, three
times would be a good compromise. From there, it’s finessing: Maybe you give
him oral sex once a week, but he gives you a non-sexual massage. It works
both ways! Problems start when couples don’t discuss issues, so don’t let
this happen to you.
The Toxic Bachelor takes you on a journey into men’s minds, but be warned
it ain’t pretty…
In the same way women will wear £20 heels, but really desire Louboutins, men
will sleep with a woman who’s available, but really desire one who isn’t. So
if you want to see that guy again, stop writing that text message, because
nothing arouses the modern hunter/gatherer more than the thrill of the
chase. Not that we’ll admit to chasing you – after all, we don’t want to
appear too keen. Great, so how can you tell if a man is interested?
Post-date, wait for our SMS. If it doesn’t come, you’re not in our sights.
If it comes after a few hours, you’re the only thing in our sights (hint:
loser). And if it comes after two days, the hunt is on. If you reply (leave
it a day) you’ll get messages every few days, with the fourth suggesting
another date. If you want to get us hooked, say you have plans but could
maybe do next week.
Email your questions to email@example.com
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION:
SPENCER WILSON TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET THEY CAN’T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY