IS HE GOING TO CHEAT ON ME?
Q: The other night my boyfriend introduced me to a girl from his judo
class, and it was obvious she fancies him. He’s not interested at the
moment, but I’m worried this could change when I’m not around. How can I
control my feelings? Zara, by email
Toxic: If your man was considering straying with this girl, there isn’t
a black belt’s chance in hell he’d have introduced you both. Still feel the
need to air your anxiety? Do it cheekily – perhaps as an aside while in bed.
Something like: “It’s so cute how that girl from judo fancies you.” That
way, you don’t seem threatened or jealous. And if you aren’t jealous, your
man can’t wonder why you are jealous. Which means he won’t start totting up
what the judo girl can offer that you can’t. Conclusion? Act cool and
everything will be fine. But succumb to the green-eyed monster and you may
push him from “Hiya!” to “Hiya, how you doing?”
Tantric: So your boyfriend is going to be spending several nights a
week rolling around on a sweaty floor mat with a hot girl who you suspect
fancies him? I’d be upset too! But before you put her in a choke hold and
drag her off him kicking and screaming, why not ask your man how he’d feel
if he were in your shoes? Get him to make more time for you and if he
doesn’t, hire yourself a gorgeous (male) personal trainer or join a
kick-boxing class. You’ll make your own super-fit friends and get a
confidence boost too. Plus, the endorphins should lead to more hot sex. And
it never hurts to remind your man that this is the most fun type of cardio!
Q: My boyfriend wants to use handcuffs on me during sex, but the thought of
it is freaking me out. Am I being a bit of a prude? Claire, by email
Toxic: How freaked out are you? If we’re talking cold sweats, then yes
you are a prude. But if you’re just nervous about being naked and
defenceless, then no you aren’t. Agreeing to be locked up by someone means:
“I totally trust you.” Gulp. Which is why your man will understand your
reticence – but he’ll still want you to overcome it. Do this by taking it in
stages – i.e. one leg, one arm – or tie him up first. After all, trust is a
two-way street.
Tantric: Do you trust your boyfriend? Sex is meant to be fun for both
of you, so don’t do anything you’ll regret. That said, buying a pair of pink
fluffy cuffs doesn’t mean you have to buy a gimp mask and change your name
to Mistress Pain. Start slowly: he could hold your wrists down or you could
tie him up first. Just choose cuffs with a release latch, not ones with keys
– calling 999 for a naked rescue isn’t so erotic!
The Toxic Guide to: Dumping
The Toxic Bachelor takes you on a journey into men’s minds. But be warned,
it ain’t pretty…
I was lying. It’s not me. It’s you. We’re finished because you aren’t right
for me. Why couldn’t I just tell you that? Three reasons: 1. Men ditch
because of a mixture of little sins which, when said out loud (“your laugh’s
annoying”), sound inane. 2. Men might want to sleep with you again. 3. Men
don’t want to witness a tearful/angry reaction. Which is why you might get
dumped by text or email. And I’m afraid if a man doesn’t dump you to your
face, it means he never felt anything for you in the first place, or he’s a
coward. Look for signs he wants you to dump him: sudden tardiness of text
reply, late-notice cancellations. They’re designed to exasperate you into
ditching him. Conniving and weak? Yep, hands up. We can be real losers!
Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON ILLUSTRATION:
SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET
THEY CAN’T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY
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