Q. My boyfriend keeps flirting and dancing with a female friend, even
though she has a boyfriend. I’ve told him it makes me uncomfortable, but he
insists it means nothing, it’s just the way he is and I should accept it.
What do you think? Ellie, by email
Toxic: I don’t think. I know. And so do you. Deep down, your man loves
the girl he bumps and grinds with in front of you. We also know that she
doesn’t love him (if she did, you’d be old news in a nanosecond). The real
question is: should you take being second choice or find a man who’ll
worship you every second of every day? And we know the real answer
(especially since he’s pompous enough to decree that it’s the way he is so
you should accept it). If you’re not good enough for him all the time, he’s
not good enough for you ever. Let him cry on his true love’s shoulder.
Tantric: Is he a dance instructor? If not, that’s a weak excuse. You’ve
tried talking, so maybe he’ll respond to a more hands-on demonstration. Take
him to a dance club, grab his best male friend and ask the band to play a
tango. Stay pressed against his friend’s crotch for the duration – if he
gets jealous, tell him he should just accept it. Because by saying it’s
“just the way he is”, he’s showing you he doesn’t take your feelings into
account. If he still won’t listen to reason, waltz out of his life. If he
disrespects you in public, imagine what he’ll get up to in private.
Q. I’m 21 and have never had sex, although all my friends have. Is there
something wrong with me? Samantha, by email
Toxic: No, you’re not a freak and no man worth his salt will see you as
one either. But it does sound like you lack confidence. Sort this by trying
online dating, which allows you to get to know men before meeting them. Then
when you find someone you like, don’t blurt out your secret. Take things
slowly and let it happen organically. That way, when you finally pop your
cherry, it will be memorable. Something 99.9 per cent of people, including
me, wish they could say.
Tantric: Lots of people are virgins through their mid-20s, and I bet
your friends are exaggerating their conquests. When a guy brags about
sleeping with the babe who had Elle Macpherson’s body, remind yourself that
he’s probably leaving out the ¿part about it lasting three seconds. Sex is
fantastic with the right person, and if you keep putting yourself out there,
you’ll connect with someone who wants to share the experience with you when
the time is right.
THE TOXIC TRUTH… MEN AND THEIR MOTHERS
The Toxic Bachelor takes us on a journey into men’s minds. But be warned,
it ain’t pretty…
Men know that when it comes to
meeting their family, mum’s the word you’re really scared of. Which is why
we keep you apart for as long as possible. When we do decide to introduce
you to our mum, it means we think you’re special enough to meet the most
important woman in our lives. Wow, no pressure then. Actually, there isn’t.
I’ll already have banged on about how great you are. And if she doesn’t take
to you? Simple, it’s over. I’m kidding. Unless I idolise her (in which case,
run, because I’m seeking a doppelgänger) or I still live with her (which if
I’m over 25 and she isn’t ill means I’m a sponger), it won’t change a thing.
For while I love my mum, when the door’s shut, there are two people in this
relationship, and she isn’t one of them.
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON. ILLUSTRATION:
SPENCER WILSON. STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM. TANTRIC AND TOXIC REGRET
THEY CAN’T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY