Q: I’m 18 and newly pregnant. I’m tired, feel sick and have gone off sex.
Although I keep promising my boyfriend we’ll do it “soon”, he’s impatient.
How can I make him see that I love him and it shouldn’t destroy our
relationship? Name withheld
Toxic: Stop blaming yourself and start questioning your fertile fella.
I know you’re young and the pregnancy is a shock. I know people say stay
together for the baby. But ask yourself this – do you want your child being
raised by someone moronic enough to say: “Alright love, I know you’ve been
puking all morning, but I’m not going to hang around unless I get laid, so
fancy a quickie?” If your answer is yes, good luck. If it’s no, lay it on
the line. Either he sidelines sex and shapes up or he can sod off. A
decision that, while initially painful, will prove correct over time.
Tantric: Let’s face it, it’s hard to feel sexy when your head’s in the
toilet. You have an immature creature making constant demands on your
changing body – and then there’s the baby too! What you’re experiencing is
normal – sex drive often takes a dive during the first three months. You
could cheer him up by telling him that after that, lots of pregnant women
want to jump on top of their men at every turn. But either way, your focus
should be on having a healthy baby. And your man needs to be more
understanding if your idea of foreplay is scoffing a litre of Ben &
Jerry’s.
Q: When my mother-in-law comes to stay she makes comments about my house
and my standard of housework. What should I do? Liz, by email
Toxic: If it were me, I’d think: “If she wants to tidy up, she can. It
saves me doing it.” But I know this isn’t about her hogging housework. It’s
about respect. You have three options: rugby tackle her while she’s dusting,
breaking her hip and incapacitating her (joke). Break her down slowly. Or
shove your domestic competence in her face by hosting the mother of all
birthday parties for her – the one day when no one will let her raise a
finger. Just don’t give her food poisoning.
Tantric: It’s your house, so you make the rules. Just because you’ve
made a home for her son doesn’t mean you have to turn into a doormat when
she visits. Next time she starts criticising you, say: “Thanks for your
help, but this is the way we do things.” And if she still won’t back off,
let your husband handle things. He needs to stand up for you. If that fails,
suggest she tries somewhere with five-star service that’s more to her liking
– a hotel.
THE TOXIC TRUTH… EYEING UP OTHER WOMEN
The Toxic Bachelor takes us on a journey into men’s minds. But be warned,
it ain’t pretty…
Of course I wasn’t looking at that other woman, so I couldn’t tell you she was
5ft 10in with gravity-defying breasts. OK, I was looking, but what do you
expect? Men’s eyes are drawn to hot women like a sniffer dog’s nose is to
drugs. It’s an inbuilt reaction and we can’t stop, no matter how much we
love you. Hence you should only worry if we combine it with grunting, we do
it when supposedly on best behaviour (eg dinner with your parents), or over
a female ‘friend’ (this suggests we’d get shot of you in a second if she
gave us a chance). All other eye strays mean nothing. Which is why we expect
you to ignore them and why, when we see you looking at a man, we’re going to
fly into a night-long strop. Hypocrisy? Yes. But did you really expect
anything else?
Email your questions to toxicandtantric@fabulousmag.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPHY: LANCTON
ILLUSTRATION: SPENCER WILSON STUART IS REGULARS EDITOR OF FHM TANTRIC AND
TOXIC REGRETY THEY CAN’T ANSWER EMAILS PERSONALLY
]]>
